The Pain in Fear

So, like I said before I'm currently reading The Shack by WM. Paul Young. And alot of the things that Mac experiences in the book are similar to what I'm going through. On pages 115 and 116 it says, "Mack felt more clean and alive and well than he had since...well, he couldn't remember when. Eventually, they both calmed again and the night's quiet asserted itself once more. It seemed that even the frogs had called it quits. Mack lay there realizing that he was now feeling guilty about enjoying himself, about laughing, and even in the darkness he could feel The Great Sadness roll in and over him" Anyways, it goes on to Mack telling Jesus that he fells lost, and Jesus comforting him.
I totally get where Mack is coming from, I have so much pain within me that I feel guilty whever I feel even just the slightest little glimpse of joy. I allow the pain to seep back in and around me because I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy.
Later on in the book, on page 126-127, God says, "we want to share with you the love and joy and freedom and light that we already know within ourselves. We created you, the human, to be in face-to-face relationship with us, to join our circle of love. As difficult as it will be for you to understand, everything that has taken place is occuring exactly according to this purpose, without violating choice or will" and Mack asks God, "How can you say that with all the pain in this world, all the wars and disasters that destroy thousands?...(sorry don't want to give too much of the book away)...You may not cause those things, but you certainly don't stop them."
And I love how God responds he says, "there are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can be understood only within each person's story. I am not evil. You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships. But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome...broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them but will neither fill them nor free them. They are addicted to power, or the illusion of security that power offrs. When a disaster happens, those same people will turn against the false powers they trusted. In their disappointment, either they become softened towards me or become bolder in their independence.If you could only see how all of this ends and what we will achieve without the violation of one human wil-then you would understand. One day you will."
How true that is, it's so easy for us to embrace fear and pain so readily, but no matter what choices we choose in life God will meet us wherever we are in life and he will embrace us in his loving arms and will chase after us and heal the brokeness that we so easily hold on to.