Yesterday
marked the two month anniversary of my relationship with my boyfriend. The
beginning stage of relationships is often referred to as “the honeymoon stage”
because there tends to be little or no conflict and those involved in the
relationship are often blind to the other person’s shortcomings. Although this
is often true, it is also important to recognize that the beginning of any
relationship is important because it is the time where we really get to know
each other on a deeper level. The first couple months lay down the basic
foundation for what our relationship will look like from here on out. Here are
a few things we do that you might consider implementing into your relationship
with your significant other or even your roommates or other important people in
your life.
Faith-Christ is
at the very center of our relationship. Before we even started courting, we
both openly discussed our personal values and beliefs. We agreed upon the
importance of having God as the center and foundation of our relationship, also
agreeing to never let our relationship with each other come before or get in
the way of the personal relationships we both have with Him. We strive not only
to further develop our relationships with Christ, but also to help each other
grow stronger in the faith. Even before we started courting we began doing
devotions together, praying together, and worshipping with one another.
Courting-We are
not in a dating relationship, we are in a courting relationship. Neither of us
is in this relationship because of a desire to “fit in”, to be loved, or to get
something from the other person. We are both in this relationship with the
ultimate goal of marriage, if it is the will of God for the two of us to
someday get married. Not only this, but we are also both aware that to truly
love someone means that you want what is best for the other person, so if
things do not end up working out between us then we know that we must set each
other free from the relationship recognizing that as being a sign that it was
not part of God’s will for us to be together forever and that is okay too.
Genuine-We are
both very honest, open, and genuine with each other. Before we began courting
we both shared very intimate details of our lives with one another, not holding
anything back. We each have a strong desire to be genuine with each other not
keeping secrets, but truly sharing the deepest, most vulnerable pieces of our
lives with each other. The discussions that come as a part of this are not
always easy, but are vital to our relationship.
Respect-We each
hold each other in high regard never intentionally putting each other in any
situation that is uncomfortable. In order to do this we must maintain good,
clear communication. If either one of us is feeling at all uncomfortable we
openly talk about it, letting the other person know what is going on. We have
respect for each other’s boundaries, never disregarding the feelings of the
other person, but accepting them and backing down from any situation that makes
the other person feel out of their range of comfort.
Trust-We both
trust each other. Neither of us is selfishly needing to know where the other
person is and who they are with at all times. If he lets me know that he is
going out to a bar with a few friends, I never even think to ask which bar or
which friends. I trust that he is faithful to me and the fact that he is willing
to tell me what he is doing without my even asking really shows me that he is
someone who I can trust. His honesty and open communication really helps me to
know that I have nothing to be concerned about.
Love-We show our
love through our actions, not just through our words. We strive to love each
other the same way that God loves us; to love unconditionally, to be
self-sacrificial, and to see each other through Christ’s eyes. We also
recognize that we each give and receive love in different ways, so we do our
best to express our love in various ways whether that be through physical
touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or words of affirmation. These are
all vital to making sure that we each feel loved by one another.
Space-Although we
both enjoy each other’s company we also recognize that we each need our own
space. Rather than being clingy and needy, we allow each other the time and
space to go spend time with other friends, do homework, sleep, eat, ect on our
own. Sure we might send each other a brief text throughout the day to show the
other person that we are thinking of them, but we have no need to be with each
other or in communication with each other all the time. Even when we are
spending time with each other while in the company of others we often end up on
opposite sides of the room. Although we’re still together, we don’t need to be
right next to each other. We find our identity in our relationship with Christ,
not in our relationship with each other.
Family-It is
never too early to meet the family. The first words my boyfriend said to me
after we made our relationship official was, “I can’t wait for my family to
meet you!” Family is important to both of us, so we have made it a point of
getting to know each other’s family from a very early stage in our
relationship. [Plus, if you do
not feel comfortable taking your significant other home to meet your family,
then that person is probably not right for you.] Just two days after we
officially began courting we spent the day with my dad. And a few weeks later
we had Spring Break, so I went home with him to meet his family (both nuclear
and extended). Yesterday I am was planning to take him to meet the rest of my
nuclear family along with some extended family members, but unfortunately other
things got in the way. But that is okay, it will happen soon enough.
I hope that this is helpful to others as you build upon your
relationships with your own significant other, your family, your friends, your
roommates, your co-workers, ect.
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